#121

Welcome to Weekly Whisper #121.

Get good at repair

Repair is the single most powerful relationship strategy we have - Dr Becky Kennedy

It’s highly likely that you and I are imperfect in some way 😊

How that imperfection can show up sometimes is in relationship or conversation with someone. Sometimes we can’t quite articulate what we mean and we confuse the messages. Or we articulate the message brilliantly to be sidelined by their interpretation… how dare they!!

Sometimes we don’t realise the impact we have in the dynamic of our relationship (just look at how most organisational charts are published to get a clue on that one). Sometimes we get it right of the bat and sail off into the sunset happily ever after.

If you accept you’re probably going to get it wrong now and again then get good at repair.

Get good at repairing the misinterpretation, even from them.

Get good at repairing and being the first to offer a whole-hearted apology.

Get good at re-connecting after the dis-connect happens.

I’ve been following Dr Becky Kennedy for a couple of years and have used her ‘parenting advice’ in many of the adult relationships I have. And if you're a parent, as she is, then you’ll find some of her tips and strategies very helpful. Click on the above image if you'd like to follow Dr Becky Kennedy too.

Recently, Becky did a TED talk in Vancouver and spoke about repair. And yes, it was aimed at the parent child relationship but as she states at the start, it’s about any relationship.

Her top 3 elements for repair i.e. going back to the moment of disconnection and attempting to re-connect are;

• Name what happened
• Take responsibility for your contribution
• Acknowledge the impact it had on the other person

So, it might sound like this.

“I’ve been thinking about what happened over dinner last night. I’m sorry I was defensive. I was trying to mask my discomfort. I don’t like the way it caught you off guard. I’m keen to work out a way to let you know when I’m feeling uncomfortable so you can help me work through it”

15 seconds to repair.

15 seconds to re-connect.

15 seconds to demonstrate vulnerability and compassion.

NEW RELEASE
Freedom Fridays Podcast Episode 78 Featuring Steve Ellis

In Episode 78 Pete chats to Steve Ellis, a long-time friend and colleague who works in the same leadership and change space.

Most will have heard the expression “the cobblers shoes”. Apparently, it derives from an old Spanish proverb which roughly translates to 'the cobbler's children have no shoes'. This means that someone with a specific skill (e.g. leadership and change) is often so busy assisting others that their own affairs (e.g. leadership and change) go unattended.

The reason this is so relevant to the conversation is that Steve had a significant health scare recently and had to change his behaviour significantly. Being a leadership and change expert ‘that should be easy'…said no-one!

Pete and Steve dive into the classic ways to change our behaviours and share some polar opposite distinctions about what worked and didn’t work for Steve going through his lived experience of changing his own behaviour.

If you or anyone you know needs to change behaviour then this is a must listen.

            

                         

 
That's all for this week. If you’ve been enjoying the Weekly Whispers please feel free to forward it to friends and anyone you think would benefit.

As always, email me at [email protected] to share your feedback or to let me know your thoughts.

Cheers

Pete