#156

Welcome to Weekly Whisper #156.

It depends

The answer to any question when humans are involved is usually... “it depends”.

‘Are you going to go for that new job…well, it depends if…’

‘When will you begin that new ‘thing’…well, it depends when…’

‘Will you take some time to relax…well, it really depends on…’

When I catch myself using ‘it depends’ I do sometimes wonder whether I’m using it as an excuse to find evidence from my past – secure, certain, known – to justify my current situation.

When something occurs that rattles my sense of certainty – a challenging comment, a provocative question, a POV I disagree with - using ‘it depends’ can justify my history and legitimise my choices to date. I sense it can be in part a defensive mechanism to protect my certain past from an uncertain future.

What am I depending on? Something outside of me or something within me?

Can I depend on a future me?

That future me is often influenced by the current state I’m in.

If in a good state I’ll project “I’m looking forward to…” – usually an internal representation.

If I’m in a bad state I’ll project “It depends…” – usually an external representation.

Our senses provide validation and evidence for what was and what could be.

Knowing that humans prefer certainty over uncertainty, we prefer a certainty dictated by the past despite how well it’s gone for us over an uncertainty of a better future.

Because there isn’t any evidence yet other than in our imagination.

As Virginia Satir once said, “People prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty”. It would appear that people would rather be electrically shocked than left alone with their thoughts.

Science Article: People would rather be electrically shocked than left alone with their thoughts

Forbes Article: Why Uncertainty Is More Stressful Than Certainty Of Bad Things To Come

People would rather find evidence in their history – even if it’s bad – than have faith in an (as yet) uncertain future.

Can you believe in a possible future ‘you’ without experiencing it with your senses…yet?

It depends…

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT

1. Notice how often you say out loud or think in quiet “It depends…”

2. Notice what’s going on within you when you hear yourself say “It depends…” – is it past orientated or future orientated? Is it dependent on something internal or external to you?

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Cheers

Pete