Welcome to this week's episode where I'm humbled, grateful, excited and inspired to introduce you to this week's guest he's a soul buddy of mine that I've probably known for centuries, but in this lifetime, only for a few years. And he has, in so many ways provoked and made me look into the depths of what I'm doing. So he's welcome all the way from Spain, Mr. Colin Hiles.
Great to be here. Pete, thank you very much that was a very kind introduction, I must say.
Well it's better than the usual one, we get mate, around motivation will continue until seconds stop. That's probably the other way around. Indeed. So look, Colin, thank you for your time. I'm going to start as I always start with these when I'm interviewing a guest, the Freedom Fridays project was born out of me thinking that I could better use my time on a Friday, then shifted to moving from some of the things I felt I have to do, to I choose to. So what's the big change that you've made that's moved you from I have to, to I choose to?
Well, the big change, in the context of change in the context of let's say, setting and achieving goals, so we've got to make sure that we put a context around it, is it's better to take away the choose to and keep the have to in place.
Okay, right here. Okay, here we go. Right, I should have predicted that the Hiles-Meister would turn it on its head immediately - right? So you've completely ruined my script. Let's go with the flight, so explain a bit more because I'm fascinated by that.
All right. So here's a question that I asked my clients and this question could be a one on one client, or it could be a one on group and I'll ask it of you and, and then I'll give you what the average is. So for the listener there, give us a number or at least think of the number. So the question is on a scale of one to 10, how much do you believe you have control? So 10 would be I'm totally in control? A one would be I have no control, sort of over my behaviour. So what would your answer be Pete?
I'm not going to give myself a seven because that would be the answer, I'd probably go an eight because I know how much I'm influenced by the environment and stuff around me that I'm probably not aware of.
Right. Now most people will be an eight. So listener, you know, you're nodding right now, because you're thinking 'actually, yeah, I was thinking around an eight'. And I'm going to say, that believing you have that much control over your behaviour is probably the biggest reason why you don't get the behavioural change that you go after, when you're trying to change. So I'm going to use an example of me wanting to lose weight. So in about two, two and a half stone overweight, and I yo-yoed up and down, I couldn't get control of it. And so in that context, I was trying to control my behaviour, stop eating the foods that I shouldn't be eating, and start moving my body a little bit more very simple. not that difficult. And anyone can tell me that if I was to go to anyone and say, I want to lose weight, what should I do? They go well eat a little bit less move a little bit more and you're going be good. Yeah, makes sense. And I could do that for a while. Right? I could do it for a while. But I couldn't keep it up, I couldn't keep going. So going back, if you believe you have that much control it's probably the biggest reason why you're not controlling your behaviour.
Wow. My, silence is I'm just processing that. Because that's kind of like a double edged sword. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Exactly. Well, it causes two big problems. Problem number one, is it means that if I don't succeed, it's my fault. It's what I call the 'it must be me trap'. Because where else do I look? I can only look at me and it means that I don't have something I don't have discipline. I don't have willpower. I don't have self control. And as soon as we take on those beliefs we're going to feel bad pretty quickly. Okay. And then we attempt it again with a belief which is, 'um, I struggle with self control, I struggle with discipline, I struggle with willpower. So the next attempt probably is doomed to fail. And we tend to jump into the all or nothing approach to things - full on, fall off. And what I found out from the all or nothing approach is it very rarely gives us all on almost always gives us nothing, sooner. That's the end outcome. So that's the first problem, we could go deeper into that, but that's the first problem is that my failure is my fault. It's something that I don't have, I'm lacking in some way, shape, or form. And so we go on a search to try and find answers to that that I'm lacking, and how do I get it? Secondly, when we believe that we have that much control, we totally forgive the power of environment, and how much that's influencing this on a day to day basis, as you said, when I asked you to give your answer. And so we stop looking at the environment as a possible problem here. And we look at ourselves as being the problem here. And I'm going to flip it and say, the problem isn't you the problem is the environment in which you're in. Don't change, you change what surrounds you, and you change. And it always has happened that way if people just start exploring successes from the past, they will find that inadvertently or advertently, consciously or unconsciously, they made small changes to the environment. And that's what gave them the chance of succeeding in any change that you're looking to make any goal that you're looking to achieve.
Okay, I'm going to pick up on the environment question in a second, I want to go back to something you said right at the beginning of that, and you know, it's not my fault. Which I agree becusey you know, fault is a loaded word. Even if we softened it to say, you know, I haven't or have contributed. I'm interested, if then a sceptic, or someone who hasn't taken responsibility approaches you and said, "That's great Colin, it's no longer my fault, it's somebody else's fault". And maybe not that language, but the essence of absolving their contribution to what's happened. How do you how do you answer that?
Well, it's true, to varying degrees, but it's not like everything, the total truth. Of course, we all have a part to play, we've all got to take responsibility in order to achieve a goal. And so if you move to the furthest extreme, well, obviously, it's nothing to do with me, it's to do with my environment, you're probably not going to achieve your goal anyway. Because you're not going to take responsibility to then change your environment, and do something different. And we can talk about what that means, but to change your environment. So that's not going to work, because you're absolved of any responsibility. At the other end of the spectrum is it's all my fault. It's all my fault, which obviously, is the problem that most people face in my experience is that they only look at themselves, and they beat themselves up, they berrate themselves, they make themselves feel bad. They lower their confidence, they lower their self esteem, they almost set themselves up to fail, because I failed last time so there's a high probability I'll fail this time. And this was my problem. This was what I was suffering with. This full on, full off, full on, full off, yo-yoing, up and down all over the place. And so I guess, just like most things, it's not an 'or' the tyranny of the 'or' it's the power of the 'and'. It is, you know, I am not responsible, in one sense, the environment I'm in is playing a part. And I am responsible at the other end, of making sure then that I begin to make the changes that are necessary to achieve the goal. Because I say, as soon as you set a goal, you're on the wrong side of the environment. You just don't know it, you just don't realise it.
Cool. Let's dive into that, let me present a sceptics view. And this is a this is a little bit of a view, probably erroneously I've held with some of my mates. I'm a bit of a cyclist and I've always said to my mates without even really experiencing it. We're in the middle of the Tour de France right now. And I've done a little bit of cycling nowhere near any good but I've said, kind of jokingly, if you put me on the back of the peloton because of the speed the peloton is going I'd just get dragged along and I could stay in the peloton. So my environment is the peloton and therefore I could go as fast as the peloton.
And this is the peloton bike you're talking about, yes?
No, no, no, the peloton is the group of bikes that are kind of following the yellow jersey.
Oh right.
It's like 60-70 bikes - so it's called the peloton. That's what the peloton bike comes from.
Oh Okay. I did not know that. There you go.
Yeah. So they're moving, you know, 40 miles an hour, 50 kilometres an hour. And I can't cycle at that for any period of time. But I jokingly said, look, if you put me in that environment, you put me in the peloton. Yeah, I could do 50 kilometres an hour. Is that what you're saying about environment?
I'm saying we're influenced by the environment without us realising. Look, I know you've done a marathon This was the first problem that I faced. Everyone said, when you do a marathon, make sure that you get a heart monitor because when you kick off, when you start, everyone's going to run like twice as fast as they should, and you're going to be sucked along, and you're going to realise it. Because this is normality. Everyone's moving at this pace, and you won't get a sense of how fast you're moving. And thank goodness, I had a heart monitor because literally, you know, you're a mile, two miles, and I looked down and my heart is just like in red. I'm going way too fast. And so you don't realise that that's the case that we're in a bubble. We're all in a bubble, and we don't realise it. So it would be similar. Now, would you be able to keep up that pace with we're talking about here with elite athletes? I wouldn't put my money on your Pete. I won't put my money on you there. I think there would come a point where you would literally just just literally collapse you know what I mean?
It's a bit of a cheeky question, because I've cycled a little bit in a group and what I didn't appreciate whenever I made that comment was, the minute you get more than a wheel's distance - a wheel's distance, right? Away from the last person, you are goneski? You can't bring it back. It's really, really hard. So these elite athletes are so strong. They can go 100 yards back, grab a cup of water balls, grab some food bags, and makeup the distance. It's so incredibly hard. So yeah, I reckon I'd be in the peloton at the start. But the minute they moved, I'd be gone.
Yeah,
So for the listener, then if that's true, that part of our change is influence determined by the environment. Yet, what tips can you share, or what red flags Can you share with us that you know, that's a no, no, that that's a really good thing to consider on top of the individual responsibility they have to take anyway?
Yeah. All right. So environment really breaks down to two main areas, people in places. Yep. Alright. So that's really what the environment is, is people, the people that we spend time with, and places the physical places that we inhabit. So let's just say let's just use my weight loss as an example. Fat loss, I should say is as an example here. If I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm sat a donut shop. So I'm surrounded by people eating donuts, and probably making some very nice noise. Oh, oh, this is delicious. Or Has anyone tried this one with the vanilla? Oh, right. I've got those noises. And I'm watching them seeing them eat donuts and over there is the counter which has all the doughnuts in it. And I'm sat there going, I'm not going to eat a doughnut. I'm not going to = eat a doughnut. I'm not going to eat a doughnut. Now. I might say I'm not going to eat a doughnut 100 times. I might even last a day or two days with willpower. But what's going to happen eventually? I'm probably going to eat a bloody doughnut right because all I can see is donuts so trying to lose weight sat in a donut shop makes it very very difficult.
Yeah, because no matter how disciplined you are.
And even at some point you're probably going to lose your doughnut mates.
Yeah then, absolutely, because your doughnut mate's are going come on have a doughnut Colin for Chrsit's sake, come on, just have a doughnut. One mouthfull go one have one bite, just have one bite. So that would be an example of both the physical space, you're in a shop that sells doughnuts, with the people place, which is you're around people eating donuts, and who enjoy doughnuts, and you will try and influence you to eat a doughnut. Now if I hook myself out of there, then go and sit in another place that sells more healthier type foods, salads and stuff like that. And I'm around people like that. And I fancy a donut. But I can't see one and I can't see anyone eating them. But I can see something else, then there's more chance that I'll go down that route. And that's the power of the environment so that when we set a goal, our behaviour is often triggered from people and places. And so when I say that you're on the wrong side of the environment, that's what I mean. But most people don't include the environment in their goal setting process. They don't take it a step further and say, so they go right, I've got a goal, I've got to get the right mindset, I've got to get the right behaviours and they stop there. And I'm saying go another level and think about, and what about the environment? What changes have you got to make in your environment. So for instance, when I decided I wanted to lose weight, we put our house on a diet, if you Pete come into our house, you wouldn't have found anything in there, then wouldn't is not is not contributing to my goal. You won't find it. Now, when it's not in there. And I fancy something that I know is not good for me. Well, it's a pain in the ass. Now I've got a jump in the car, or I've got a walk somewhere to get it, the chances are that putting that much friction in place would mean that I probably wouldn't do it. I go, oh, Christ, I'll just have an apple, or I have a banana, right? Because there's the apples. And there's the bananas there on the side there. So just by putting the house on the diet, change the size of plates, there's a lot of research that shown that as you increase the plate size, you eat more you don't realise. And so we went out and bought smaller plates. Because if you look at the same amount of food on a small plate and a big plate, it looks like you're shortchanged on a big plate, and you probably would go and put more food on there. Whereas on a small plate, you're looking and thinking, wow, there's a lot of food there, psychologically. So these are just some of the small changes that I made finding individuals that are already achieving the goals that you want to achieve, spend time with them, because they will influence you. And they will hold you to account as well. You know, what are you doing eating a doughnut? I thought you said you were, you know. And so they won't go well done, eating a doughnut, this is nice, this is lovely. They'll go, what are you doing? What are you doing? You said you weren't going to eat any more donuts. And so this is called cognitive dissonance - where you say one thing, and you act inconsistent, it creates dissonance. And we love consistency. So there's more chance that I'll do it. These are just some of the small things that I've done. And I can give you more stories of individuals that I've worked with as well.
I have read Colin, that there's something called activation energy. And I think you've just mentioned friction in there in a very small amount of time. And what I've shared with people in the past, there's you know, we've all probably had the extra bit of chocolate after dinner as we're watching the TV. Almost everyone goes, take that away from me put it on the other side of the room, because we know instinctively the effort of getting up and going to the other side of the room is enough for me to go nah I won't have it.
Absolutely, yeah, this is called the proximity effect. And your right activation energy is part of that. Fundamentally we're quite lazy, really. And so if we make the behaviour that we want to do, easy to do, and the behaviour we no longer want to do hard to do, ie we put friction in place, then there's more chance. That's like difference between chalk and oil. Right? So chalk is something that grips. So if I if I put chalk in the way metaphorically to the thing that I don't want to do anymore, and I put oil there slippery, then there's more chance that I do. And that is a great example. Pete Yeah. Move it away from me. Take it away from me, you know.
I think you can get them online, there kind of like these kitchen locks like clear boxes, that you can put a timer on and you know, put your cookies or the chocolate or your phone. Yeah. And you have this urge to grab your phone or the cookies and the chocolate. You've set it for 20 minutes. Yep. And you then press the button, and it opens in 20 minutes time. Yes, there's a very good chance that 20 minutes later that urge has died down. And you'll be in a more cognitive place to not reach for the cookie or the phone or something like that.
Especially if you eat something like some almonds or something like that. This was one of my tricks. That was like a really fancy something I know I shouldn't eat. I'm a sweet tooth. I love I love sweet things always have and it's like really fancy it so I go right my rule was eat, you know, sort of 10 to 15 almonds. Wait 20 minutes. If I still want it, I'll eat it. I never did. I never did. I never ever did once those almonds have gone to work and fundamentally, you know, they're a bit more nutritional packed, and they fill you up, then I didn't fancy it anymore. And it's just amazing. That simple little rule meant that I just didn't bother eating the thing that I really fancied in the first place. It was gone. It was it was Yeah. Powerful.
Yeah, it's an often I find that the simple things done really well and done consistently can be the most powerful. But as well as what I've observed, as well as being you know, lazy-ish. We're kind of novelty driven and we kind of go oh, that's too easy, must be more complex. Oh it's fresh. It's got a new cover. It's different. It's this particular diet or that particular exercise regime or this that and kind of the novelty attracts our attention. Away from what was possibly our original goal done slower but probably more sustainable.
When I wanted to get down to 12% body fat, I had an end goal, but no date on it. That was irrelevant. I just knew I was going to get there. So it was more a case of - forget by a certain date, and focus on the process that's going to get me there. So I just had a picture of what someone looks like at 12% body fat. Well, that's, that's the sort of thing I want. And, and that was it. And so then it was a case of focusing on the process every single day, the small things I need to change with movement, and what goes in my mouth. And I knew I was going to get there, I knew that I would arrive. At some point, it was irrelevant when I just knew that I was going to arrive. Now that's not to say that sometimes putting a date on a goal isn't a very powerful influencing factor. In fact, it's another physical - they're called deadlines, right. Deadlines are extremely powerful to create motivation. So procrastination drops out the way motivation comes in, because you got a deadline to achieve. So it's not you know, it's sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it isn't. What I did was I created small deadlines in the process, rather than a deadline on the end goal, if you like.
That's interesting. I've not come across that before, Colin. In terms of not setting an end goal timeline, but having timelines in between.
Yes. Well, if you think about certain goals, like if you are single, and you're trying to find someone that you would, you know, ultimately like to marry, how can you put a date on that? You know, I want this person by next Friday. Yeah, well, good luck, you probably set yourself up for failure right there. You know, it might be the third person that you date, it might be the seventh person you date, I don't know. But I do know, if you're in the game, and you're in the process, you've got more chance of arriving. certain goals like you don't want to become an entrepreneur and I want to make my first million right now you can say by a certain date. But the chances it won't be that date. Because there's so many unknowns, there's so many factors that are going to be at play before you're going to get anywhere near that. So it's good to have it as an aspirational, but not necessarily by a certain date. So I think certain goals, we can date and put a deadline on there and certain goals, I think it sets us up for failure, we put unnecessary burdens on ourselves. And you're better off to put the focus on the process, the process that's going to get you there, and work on that. And you will eventually arrive at some point. You know, we teach juggling, don't when you know if you focus on the throw, let the catch take care of itself, get the throw, right, you're going to catch it. Right? If I get the throw, right, metaphorically of moving a little bit more and eating a little bit less calories, but eating nutritionally, I'm going to get the catch, which is called 12% body fat, which is what I achieved.
Yeah. And looking good on it, too Sir, might I say.
Thank you. Well Tor, my wife Tor, was like, you're too ripped. I don't like you now. So I actually had to put a little bit more back on, Yeah, pork up just a little bit, which is weird. But anyway. Yeah, so I you know, I'm very happy with where I am. I got so much more control now. It's become part of who I am the identity aspect of change, which is so important. And yeah, thank you appreciate the feedback.
Um so mate, the original intention of this podcast was just my exploration of some big changes I was making in my life to try and inform people, you know, some of the tips, some of the tools, some of the red flags, some of the things that will help. Now what I'm hearing from you is it's not necessarily I have to I choose to it's a bit of both. It is, Yeah, it's always been proven. Yeah. And we all you know, the examples that you've shared, we all have experience of that. Why do we forget? Why do we forget those blind spots when we are trying to make changes?
You just said it, you just said it - blind spots. That we're blind. I think as Mark Twain that said, it's easier to trick a man, than it is to show him how he's been tricked. And we're blind to the tricks that are being played on us, you know daily, that are causing us to make certain choices that we don't realise that we're making. We're just blind to it. You know, we're totally blind. So I'll give you an example, and maybe you know this. So when you walk into a supermarket, globally, pretty much anywhere around the world. You walk into a supermarket, you're going to be confronted straightaway by the fruit and veg. Yep. Right. Do you know why. Pete you're going to be confronted with fruit and veg?
I would guess smell, colour, touchy, you can touch them, kind of physical aspect to it.
Yeah. And that's what most people say. And that's the naivety that we all have. Me included, until I did the research right? Now you've got to understand that any man made environment comes with an agenda. What's the agenda of a supermarket? Buy more. Correct. Spend more than you intended to spend. Yeah, that's right. You pick up an iPhone? What's the agenda of an iPhone? It's another environmental factor. It's to hold your eyeballs on there a little bit longer, right? So every man made environment comes with some kind of agenda, we're blind to the agenda. So the agenda when you walk in the supermarket is to get you to spend more money than you actually planned on spending. Now, the one thing that you didn't say was 'heavy'. All of that stuff is heavy. So what do you like me to go and get? Well, it's called a trolley. Right? Now, if they can get a trolley in your hands, they're already one step closer to you putting some things in there that you didn't intend on putting in there, because of the friction element, less friction, you're pushing it along, rather than carrying the bloody thing, you know, and there's more chance that you're spending. The other factor is, if you go with someone else, more often than not you'll spend more as well. So if you take your children with you they will more often than not, so can I make it child friendly? Well what's that, so we'll give them a little buggy as well, a little trolley that they can push around? Because then they're going to go this go to that place, which has the little trolleys Mommy, Daddy? All right, then. And then they're going to want something put in their trolley, aren't they? And so, all of these factors, and by the way, trolley sizes in doubled since your parents. Yes, they've doubled in size, and they found the actual sweet spot now. So in other words, everything, everything in that there supermarket is well thought through. Is behaviourally-scienced, if you like, using a lot of the behavioural sciences and social sciences that are out there, to get us to make decisions that we didn't plan on making. Heights of things, what's above, what's eye height, what's below, what's at the end. Colours, all those things all affect our decisions outside of our awareness. So we're blind, we are blind to all of this, and it isn't until you dive into some of the research that you sort of go OMG this is like, wow! I mean, they, you know, they, they're using all of this on us. So how do I begin to take advantage of that, and use it on me, to help me make a better decision? So if you don't want to spend too much money, then don't take a trolley. You know, of course, sometimes you have to, because you get to buy so much. But you know what I mean? Like, like, you know, you start to apply some of these things now. And all of a sudden, you can find it easier to do the behaviour that you want to do, because you're setting your environment up in alignment with the goal, not out of alignment of the goal. And if it's out of alignment, then you've got to use willpower. And willpower just doesn't work. It's good for short term, for sure. And we all, we're all we need to build that muscle willpower muscle, but to rely on it solely is to set ourselves up to fail. And then we can fall into this 'it must be me trap'. And then you don't look anywhere else other than your own internal resources. You're have nots. I don't have something. I don't have the willpower. I don't have the self discipline, I really struggle with self discipline. And what's so funny is, that if you actually pay attention, you'll find in another area of your life you have tremendous self discipline in another area, you have a lot of willpower another area of your life, you have all those resources. But you're just looking in one area and you're not looking at the probable cause, which is environmental more than anything else. I'll just share one last story, right because the people side is huge. The people side is really enormous. We've all been guilty, have we not? I've been sat around a table, out with friends eating and we've had a meal and it comes to the desserts. And you've got one or two options here. So let's say that you like me you like a dessert right?
I've seen your Instagram, you do like you're desser!
I do like a dessert! Right so overcomes the menu, your eyes scan down and you go 'oh my god, it's got beenoffee pie! And I announced it 'Beenofee Pie, Benneoffee pie! and I announce it. And then one by one everyone goes well I'm not going to have a dessert. Well I'm not having desser, no not for me tonight. I'm not having adessert. Oh really? Now the chances of me now having a dessert have just dropped right off because no one else is and this is conformity the need to conform. So oh really?!?! I'll be dissapointed - oh for Christ's sake, commum, no I'm not going to have one. Well, I'm not going to sit on my own and have one. It's like sitting on your own and having a drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not gonna have a drink if no one else is having a drink. The opposite then, right? Okay, which is I'm not going to have dessert, everyone. I'm not having one. I'm on a little dark moment. Well, I'm having one. Well, I'm having one. Well, I'm having one. Oh come on Colin, you're so boring. I'm having one. Come on calling one we're celebrating one. All right, then I'll have one, I'll just have one. We're being influenced by those that we spend, we're in proximity of and we're spending. So the lesson here is make sure that when you set a goal, that you find out who is achieving that goal, and where do they spend time?
I was working with a young group for a friend actually over zoom, and not in the most probably circumstances you and I find ourself in with a lot of choices and freedom. And I said to them, as a principle, you become like the four or five people that you associate with, and they kind of got it a little bit. The pushback on me was, yeah, but you don't know where I live. And you don't know who I associate with. So I don't understand that, because that's not me. But how do you help someone like that, that could be in a really challenging situation right now where the people they surround themselves, they've just got no escape? I don't mean in a horrific, catastrophic, violent way. I mean, just I'm surrounded - this is my street, this is my tribe.
Yes, of course. And that movie, Dangerous Minds with Michelle Pfeiffer comes to mind there. And if anyone hasn't seen that movie, definitely watch it, because it's a true story of how she helps inner city children that are surrounded by poverty, gangs, single parent families, and so on so forth. Break out through education - it's brilliant. So it starts with what do you want? What's your goal? Because if there isn't a want for something, then it's fine. Why make any changes? So it starts there, right. And then Okay, great, so that's your goal right. Then who would you say is a good mentor around that you know, of, Even through books, even through YouTube, podcasts? Like the sort of thing that you're doing. Who, who's the Who? And then how much are you listening to them? Because here's what I find more often than not, right? When you're coaching someone you go, right, what's your goal? They give you a goal. Great. Okay, so who would you say is a good individual to spend a little bit of time with and maybe, maybe get a few answers from and so on, they give you that person's name, okay. And then when I speak to them next month, whatever. So how much time did you spend speaking with that person? Well, I've had one conversation, how much time you spent speaking with everyone else, that is fundamentally holding you to the old identity? Well, like 90%, you know, probably 99%. Okay, you've got to change that equation, we've got to change that equation. Because if you don't change that equation, it's going to be very, very hard for you, in which to make those changes that you want to make. See, everyone that you meet there either an accomplice or an advocate. An accomplice is someone that was part of that old behaviour that you have. So you know, go down the pub with my mates and have a drink. They're all my accomplices. They want me to continue doing that. So who's my advocate? Who's going to say, get down the gym tonight call and I'm going to be down there come down with me? So at some point, goal, right. That's the first thing. What do you want? Okay, great. Now, who is already there? What Dan Sullivan calls future people, not past people, but who are your future people? Who's there? Who knows what it's like? You know, when you think of matrix Morpheus, Neo you, right? Morpheus came around, right? That was his mentor. We all need them. I need them. You need them. We all need mentors, we all need those individuals that understand the new landscape that we're trying to, you know, navigate and what it takes to get there and will inspire, will challenge, will be good cop, bad cop will do all those things. So that's, I've been in similar situations with individuals that are in that space. Just starting with that. Okay, so what do you want? Well, who do you know, that's already there? All right. So I don't know anyone. Okay, great. Well, and get online and see if you can find some people because they will be there that you can begin to listen to the can become your role models. But I tell you what, if they look hard enough, there's always role models, even in that sort of inner-city situation. There's always role models. They're just not there. They've just not got out of that bubble at the moment. And as soon as they get out of that bubble, they find someone that's come from that world, knows that world but has managed to break free of that world. More often than not, because they had a mentor. Right? And they then become that individual that helps them break free of that world. But the people element is so influential, it's so important that we get that right. As you say, We are the average of the five people, we spend the most time that's been proven in academia, that's been proven. Look, as parents, when your children are at school, you really worry about who they're spending time with, don't you. I mean they come home and they use a word they don't normally use, you kind of go hang on a second. Who are they with? Because you know, they're going to be influenced by the tribe that they spend time with. And if it moves them away from their academic studies, we start to worry. And this is what I find really interesting. And this is what I found with me Pete, I had a double standard. It was just I just literally been writing about this recently. I had a double standard, right? So what was my double standard? Well, when it came to me trying to lose weight, I focused on my internal resources solely. And then when I didn't achieve it couldn't figure out why. Oh it's my beliefs. I got to look at my limiting beliefs, I must have some limiting beliefs. I did all that kind of stuff, right? But when it came to helping others, I was basically saying get help.
Brilliant, brilliant!
I could be one of those individuals as a coach, right? When you think about children at school, you think about the school, they're going to you think about the teachers, you think about the area, that's all external. That's the environment. Yeah. You don't rely solely on your children's internal resources to make it through school. Do you, does anyone? So I was living a double standard. I one standard for me, but another standard for everyone else. And it was like, What am I doing? What am I doing? I'm advocating one thing, because I know damn well works. But I'm not doing that one thing for me. But once again, think about sports coaches, do they rely solely on the internal resources of that? No, of course they don't. They put other things in play externally, that helps. And you gave me this, and you're going to be a credit to this. In my book, you know, we talk about self help, self help? Well, that's down to me versus help self. Now get the external resources in play to help me do what it is that I want to do. And so you're going to be credited for that in my book, because there's a great little distinction.
Thank you, Sir. We could probably talk for hours. And maybe we will next time. My final comment before I give you a kind of five quick round questions is. You have been, and will continue to be, a lifetime advocate for all the things that I think are possible, not just for me, but for anyone that's listening, or watching or reading any of the stuff that we do. So I'm eternally grateful Sir, to you and your family and I think our listeners will find that fascinating. You may even get a callback.
Well, let me let me finish with five quick questions. So it's an either or question. It's not an and. There's no and in this, you've got to decide. Yeah.
When you're making notes lined paper or blank paper? Blank.
Tony Robbins or Deepak Chopra? Tony Robbins.
Self help or help self? Help self!
What's a book that's changed your life? Loving what is by Byron Katie.
And my final question, what's a life that's changed your look? A life that's changed my look? Well, what does that mean? I don't know what that means, what does that mean? Someone that has changed your look on life. Ah, okay. Ah, okay. Someone that's changed. Right? God, I got so many here. Um Anthony de Mello.
Cool. awareness? awareness.
Colin, thank you so much for your time and your wisdom. It's always a pleasure, never a chore.
Ditto. It's always great. Thanks for inviting me on and having this chance to share what for me is my passion at the moment, which is just to raise this awareness around don't change you, change the environment around you, and you will change.
Cool, great message. Thank you Sir.
Thank you.
