Welcome to Episode 21.
Though I can't do Episode 21 without really talking about 21 Whispers. So I'm going to explain and tell you the story now of how it came to be, and then share with you five whispers, and explain them as some of the whispers that I've heard over the last few weeks and months that have really struck me.
So let me start by explaining how 21 Whispers came to be. It was probably 20 years ago, I was running a coaching programme with a group back in England. And I got to know them really well. I was then invited to do a keynote speech at their conference, maybe nine months later. I went the night before, I had a few drinks to socialise. And a lot of people came over becuase they knew me. I'd run the programme for them. So you know, the usual social chitchat. And you know, that situation where you sense someone's waiting. You sense they are, they want to say something, but they're waiting for the right moment? There was maybe four or five of us, and then four of us then three, then two. And then, there was just the two of us, me and this lady. And she was part of the programme that I was on and she she didn't really stand out necessarily. She stood out, because at that time, she was, you know, there was 5% females in the group. But didn't really stand out in any way, shape, or form didn't, you know, shout from the rooftops about how great it had been, and what changes happened. And yet in that moment on our own, she stepped right into my space, it was really quite uncomfortable when she was a little bit smaller than me. And she got her finger and pointed at right on my face, almost touching my nose, and said, "Pete, I want to thank you, because you changed my life", and then walked off. And I still remember the goosebumps that I felt. And for a moment there was you know, chest puffs out, shoulders back, well hey, look at me, I'm changing people's lives. And then I quickly realised, well, it's not that I changed her life, it's probably that I said something that resonated. And she probably had heard it before. I still to this day don't know what it was. She'd probably heard it before, she'd heard it many times but for some unknown, magical reason, the time I said it, she just heard it. And so that got me thinking about, I wonder how often we hear things, we hear them as a whisper but when we hear them as a shout, then we tend to do something. I coupled that with a phrase I'd heard years ago about leaders in that, as a leader in an organisation, or anywhere you could argue, as a parent, as a friend, as a teacher, that you think you're whispering, but you're actually shouting. Because what the recipient hears, depending on the context, and the role that you have, and the belief that they have in you or the authority, they hear your whisper as a shout. And so I put those two things together and that's where I came up with 21 whispers, because I believe that life whispers to us. It whispers to us a number of times and it's not until we hear it as a shout, that we tend to do something. So whether that's our relationship, whether it's your health, whether it's a business, whether it's your dreams, whether it's a struggle, you're going through the answer or the way out, often whispers to us. And whilst all of those things require maintenance, we know that, but we tend not to do it until we get a shock or a jolt. You know, you've been eating in a poor way for a number of years. And it's not until you get the heart attack, that suddenly you perhaps take life a little bit less seriously and you start to consider some of the things that you eat and you relax more, and you got a bit of a slower pace. But it takes the heart attack to get us to do that. Perhaps you're in a relationship and it's gone a little bit flat for a while some event can sometimes happen that remind you of how it's not the right relationship for you or how it is and you've got to pick i back up a again. It becomes a shout for you to do something different. And you've been hearing it. You've been mulling it you've been pondering even your intuition has been signalling to you - you know this needs working, This needs working this needs work. But you haven't done anything until it becomes a shout. And sadly, sometimes this shout can be really challenging. You know, it can be catastrophic for some people. It's very traumatic often and in some ways it needn't be. It could be just paying more attention to the whispers.
Now, the 21 is an arbitrary number. I couldn't think of a different number, I just thought 21 was a bit catchier than 12, or 43. Although now thinking about it, maybe it's too cliche 21. It's got nothing to do with the the old myth that habits are changed in 21 days, because that's been proven incorrect. The actual average is over 60 days of consistent application in practice, that's what it takes to rewire a habit. But anyway, the 21 is an arbitrary number, because I actually don't know what your 21st whisper will be. It could be six, it could be 43. Maybe you need to hear something 77 times before you'll actually take action and change, fix or alter your behaviour. So the numbers kind of irrelevant. The metaphor of the 21st whisper is whatever whisper that turns into a show, whatever that is. That's your 21st whisper. That's the whisper that's caused you to go "oh, oh, my God, I better change things. Otherwise, I'm going to lose this person, I better change things. Otherwise, I'm going to be so unfit and unhealthy. I'm not going to look after my kids and my partner, I better change things, because I've been doing this for far too long. And I've just become what I don't want."
And so that's the story of 21 whispers, I've had some great feedback over the years, about the name and the story, people seem to like it, and it seems to resonate. And that's, I guess, filtered into my identity a bit. And I, and this is going to sound a little bit and perhaps a lot for cliche. But I find I've identified with the whisper-part. That in my younger days when I was, you know, gung-ho, and you know, probably a little bit, a lot, evangelical. And someone would say, you know, well, I don't set goals, really. And I would go well, let me tell you another reason why you should. Let me give you another example. You haven't heard the story yet. Let me tell you another story. And I was trying to force 21 whispers into the head at the same time. And it reminds me of that classic phrase, you know, what, when someone is, is bearing a child, then no matter how many people you've got on the task, it still takes nine months. And so I don't know how long it takes for you to hear whatever whisper turns into a shout. But I just know, and it's been my experience personally and professionally, that usually it happens. But unfortunately, it's sometimes the shout that causes us to do it. So what if it was just a little bit of a loader of whisper, and it wasn't anything catastrophic, that forced us to change.
So that's the story of 21 Whispers, and five whispers that I've related to more recently, is, are these five years so the first one, the first two actually are whispers that I've kind of created myself. And over the years, I've set myself a goal of, you know, coming up with little Maxim's or statements or quotes that, you know, get used to explain things. And I've created, I've got two so far, the first one was quite a long time ago, but it's resonated more recently in that, it's this - When you're given too much, we give in too much. The premise behind that is, one we're given too much to eat. Our hunger is satiated. So when we're given too much comfort, we give into the comfort. And so just that the balance between enough and too much can be a slippery slope, I understand that. But I've just been conscious of, certainly, you know, in the middle of 21. When, you know, we thought 2020 was a year of isolation, it's not yet. In that, if we're given too much, sometimes that can cause us to give in too much. And so I'm really conscious sometimes of, of not giving too much. And I'm saying this in the best possible - not giving them too much direction, my kids, for example. Not giving away too much of the answers or my answers. And that's resonated.
The second one is one I've just made up this week, it just came to me and it's this - It'll work out if you work in. So what that means for me is usually things for me on the external world have worked out, ok, sometimes pretty good, sometimes not so good, but usually have worked out, ok, if I've looked inside on what on myself. And I don't mean in an narsistic, selfish way, but I've worked to understand my own responses, my own assumptions and conclusions and beliefs about what's happening. Could I change the lens through which I see the challenge of the problem? So that's number two, it'll work out, if you work in.
Number three, this is going to, I have to stop and just reflect for a moment I had this one, it was only a few months ago. And that was a quote I saw on Instagram, which was, "Remember when you wanted what you currently have?". And as I've reflected on that, over the last 18 months, boy, I remember as a young lad dreaming of a 10th of the house I currently have. A 20th of the fun and connection I have with my family. You know, minimal expectations, really, and how far I've smashed those expectations based on what I dreamt of years ago. And that's really struck me and that's going to help me get more grateful. And while still nudging things along in the right ways at the right time but it's been more grateful for what I've got, because it wouldn't have to be that long ago, where I will be dreaming of some of the things that I've got now. So that's number three.
Number four. We get two lives and the second one begins when you realise you only have one. And I use that regularly, I've got it stuck up on my little studio here as a reminder that you're not guaranteed tomorrow. And whilst it's you know, sometimes appropriate to pause and hold back from doing, you know, certain things that were not given the gift of tomorrow, we've only got the gift of the present. And we have one life, and to make the most of it in every way shape, or form as much as you can. That's really struck me recently, particularly with my family and my friends, and keeping connected to people and sharing some of this stuff that I've that I've got in my head.
Now the fifth one, I've got this stuck up on my studio as well. And I came across this years and years ago, and it came back to me or maybe two or three years ago when i when i heard Brené Brown. And if you haven't come across Brené Brown, I'd thoroughly recommend a bit research. br e n e, brown, br o w n, she is an awesome, an awesome human being. And she's got some fantastic stuff has got one of the most watched TED Talks. And it really affected me at the time. And her Maxim is about the critics. I'm going to read what I've got up in my studio, and this is the the fifth whisper for me over the last few months. It starts by saying "it's not the critic who counts. It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who airs, who comes short again and again. Because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. But who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause. Who at the best knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be those cold and timid souls who neither know victory, nor defeat". And as I reflect on some of the Weekly Whispers that I've put out in some of these podcasts of the things that I've done, even in the last 12 months that I just thought, well, that wasn't me that was not possible. It just that statement, that quote remains me that on many occasions, I've felt like I've been in the arena, by my own standards, by my own definition, and whilst I've had some defeats and some victories, and it's been messy, and I've got covered in stuff, I've loved it. I've loved being in the arena, and I'm looking, I'm searching, I'm opening up my heart and soul to Find other people perhaps who want to play in the arena. And I don't necessarily mean in business but who are willing to have you know conversations about daring, greatly. Daring Greatly for good, wouldn't that be a lovely thing.
So that's Episode 21, the story of 21 Whispers and five particular whispers that have resonated with me.
I'll see you next week. Cheers.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
