Welcome to Freedom Fridays with me your host, The Whispers Guy, Pete Clark. So I had some feedback from a colleague I really respect. And they were telling me that a habit of mine, I didn't realise this was, that I would start these podcasts by saying it's been an interesting week. And I wasn't aware that was a habit, language pattern, I kept using. And his counsel was, which I thought was great counsel, I wonder if you can maybe summarise the week in a couple of words and that becomes a different feature. So with a win, learn change mindset, that's what I'm going to do. So this week, welcome to Episode Seven, which has been an enlightening and terrifying week.
Let me explain... I've got a little bit of a different setup. today. What I recognised in recording this was I was just speaking into my phone. I've now got a couple of pictures in front of me of some randoms. And I'm pretending I'm going to have a conversation with them. So I don't know if this is going to feel or sound any different. But I'm trying to make it more as if I was having a conversation with you over a coffee or a beer or you know, wherever it was.
So the reason it's been an enlightening and terrifying week is for a few reasons. First reason I noticed how prone we are, well, me how prone I am, I'm sure you might, you might agree. How prone I am to picking up on the energy and the beliefs of other people predominantly unconsciously. And how I noticed this was in some of the things I'm experimenting with, more professionally really, within the same week, i was speaking to one individual who had tried it before. And it hadn't worked. And another individual who had tried it before, and it worked. And post those conversations, I found it really interesting, enlightening in some ways, that I was so prone, because I was feeling exposed and vulnerable, and you know, with an experiment, you never quite know how it's going to work out. In speaking with someone else that had had success, their definition of, I felt lighter, better, more optimistic, more positive to keep going. Whereas when I was with the other person, and they weren't so optimistic and in fact , what they tried hadn't worked. And there could be all sorts of reasons for that. I felt a little bit heavier, a little bit more doubtful. And a little bit less optimistic about whether I should continue. So that's one thing that I found. And I've known this, and I know this, but it really became more prominent with a specific example. And I won't share the example, it's not really that relevant, it's more any example when we are about to try something, apply something, we get an insight, or we have an idea about something. It could be really important that who your immediate communication and energy connection is with because that might encourage you or discourage you. And so I found that terrifying in some ways, hence, the polarity of enlightening and terrifying that I'm consciously and unconsciously really influenced in a planting a seed way, by those people that have a view on the success or failure of something before I've even tried it. And so what that's the lesson, I think, for me there is that if I'm going to experiment, just one be conscious of that. And two, be aware that you'll always find the evidence, I'll always find the evidence or where it will work. And I'll always find the evidence for where it won't work. And so I wonder if that's relevant for you. In your life, when you've been experimenting, you've been testing some things out whether it's a new diet, or a new job, or a new way of operating or you're going to have a difficult conversation with someone when you have picked up on the energy or the belief system unknowingly, from those around you and whether that's helped or hindered. Maybe there's some, some reflection required for you to get an insight. So that's one thing.
The second thing is, this is coming up a lot. I feel a bit. And I don't want to overplay this because it's obviously a first world, massively first world problem, but I feel a bit of a failure in the sense that I'm trying to use these Fridays as partly as a metaphor and partly literally to you know, bring life to my years. And an insight I got from another colleague about you know, coming up with a single term, two word phrase for your focus for the year and mines for 2021 is GSD, get stuff, get sh*t done. And I feel in some ways that Friday is a massive opportunity for that. To get stuff done, that's going to add life to my years. And I don't really feel like I'm making the most of it. I seem to be a master of being distracted by the novel. I'll come across a book or a website or a quote. And I'll go three layers beneath it really quickly. You know, on my laptop, for example, if I'm exploring or researching, I might have 30 odd tabs open, all of which are, you know, a level beneath the level I was just looking at. And then a level beneath that. And then a level beneath that and a level beneath that. And I've shared with you on previous conversations, how creating a sense of what's a win week. So prior to the five day or the four day experiment, just looking across the week to come and thinking, if I got to the end of that week, what would I have done that I could say tick - great! That was a really good week. You got a lot done that you expected. And the more and more I can do that, the more mark and then extend or dilute the, I guess the task focus and people focus within that week. So I came across something else, which I thought was really helpful. And the process was to think of the top 20 things you're going to do for the week. Now wittle all that down to the top five for that day. And then what's the most important thing for that day? And the author of that was suggesting at least one for life in at least one for work, which I can see the balance. And at the end of the week, assess that. Reflect, reset, and recover. So that the next week, you've got your top 20 for the week, top five for the day. And one thing for that specific day that relates to work and life. So next week, I'm going to experiment with that and I can report back on how that worked, well or not. And you know, picking up on the previous point, there's no one around me at the moment. I'm not going to pick up on their beliefs, whether it's going to work or at this point. I'm optimistic. I think it might work.
Something else. The third thing that's been enlightening not terrifying. The final thing is terrifying. The third thing is two or three of you have asked me who've been listening - How would the phrase going? Now I in some ways don't know who's listening. So it comes as a little bit of a surprise sometimes. How are the Fridays going? Because obviously you've taken on this, the mantle of of keeping me publicly accountable. And what's enlightening for me is I feel this societal need to fall in line and say good. Yeah, of course it's going really well. And not because I don't want to have a conversation and not because I want to lie. But I just feel this societal, I guess, you know, conditioning that when someone asks how's something going you automatic fall in line to say, oh it's going well, thanks. Rather than, and I've done this a couple of times and it gets a little bit awkward, rather than pausing and reflecting and having to explain that the Friday is a metaphor, and it's about moving from I have to to I choose to so it could be anything, or then really thinking and reflecting, how do I really feel it's going, and then going into, you know, a two or three minute explanation. When all they were doing was perhaps just trying to be polite, just opening up the conversation. So I found myself falling in line a little bit. And when asked, you know, how's it going? And I wonder how often we say that? I wonder how often we are in response to or in our own initiation, just trying to be polite when somebody says, how you going? How you feel? What's happening? What's going on? And we feel compelled to, from a polite almost cliched way, say that everything's fine, thanks. Until perhaps they might go and look at you in the eye if you can and see what's really going on? Or they spot, or the notice that, you know, one millisecond of hesitation as to what should I say here before you say oh, no, it's going ell, thanks. So I wonder, you know, what side of the coin you find yourself? Are you the one that conditionally responds with, when asked, how are you going? You go, I'm great, thanks! And there's some upside to that. Or are you the one that continually asks that question and doesn't really pay attention to any of the nuances that come back? Someone for you to ponder.
And so, the fourth thing I'll share with you this week is terrifying. It's terrifying for me. And as I've said, on a lot of conversations, I'm a just so amazed, delighted and terrified at the, what would seemingly be a simple experiment for somebody in my position, what it's bringing out and where it's brought up for me. And this happened over the course of the week. And I won't explain in too much detail the circumstances. But the the essence of the terror for me was, was this, that I've recognised that parts of my self worth. And I'm saying parts because I don't want to whole scale go - it's all of my self worth, that would be dreadful. But parts of my self worth are without a doubt tied to how busy my diary is. And even more specifically, how busy it is with scheduled paid work. Now, that's not really something I have much control over. I can dig the well, but the clients and the customers tend to fill it with water, I can influence but I can't control I can, you know, do all the hard work. And often, sometimes rarely, always, the answer is no. So I've no control, necessarily over paid work. I've definitely got control over the scheduled part. But what was terrifying for me was and I don't know when this started, obviously, not when I was three. But at some point over the last 25 years of doing this role, I've inadvertently or perhaps because it was relevant at some point in the past, tied my sense of worthiness, perhaps even love in a professional context. I've tied it to scheduled paid work. Which is fascinating when I look across my diary, which is often my working life, certainly. It's not every day that I've got scheduled paid work, but it doesn't feel like every day that I've not - that I'm not worthy. So over the years, you know, drip by drip, this must have happened. And as we've gone through COVID last year, and then you're into a brand new year, certainly in Australia, things pick up a little bit slowly, you know, post January, February, and it's been a little bit slow for me. It's been fine. It's been balanced, but a little bit slower than perhaps I was hoping for or expecting. And what that's caused is this, I use this and there's always a party or a nightmare going on in someone's head. And at this point, there's a nightmare going on. And it's caused me to really reflect on how inextricably tied my worth is to some of the work that I do. Not even just the content, but the fact that someone will transact and pay me money to engage with them. And, that's terrifying for me that I'm behest and beholden to an invoice. Which kind of surprised me. I've been working on this stuff in this material for a number of years. And I expected my, and hence why I say parts because I do think my self worth is tied to other things, but just when it feels a bit raw. It's interesting how this connection between self worth and scheduled paid work showed up. So hence why for me that's terrifying because I've got no control over that. I know I've got some control issues and some challenges with letting go and letting things go. And so that was the fourth thing.
So this week, it's been enlightening and terrifying. You know, the first thing was how prone we all are, I guess to pick up on the energy and beliefs of others. Secondly, the productivity aspect of not making the most of the day i'm meant to be making the most of and you know, then that guilt feeling. This societal conditioning we often fall into when asked, how's it going? How are you? To give the cliche answer of yeah, I'm great thanks. And then finally the terrifying, that I've noticed how my self worth, or certainly parts it, are tied to the scheduling of paid work. So that's it for this week. I look forward to chatting to you next week. Cheers.
