Welcome to Freedom Fridays. With me, your host, Pete Clark, The Whispers Guy. So it's been another fascinating week. And a number of insights have struck me. Probably the the biggest one is, for me, this is not about taking Friday's off. This is not about having a day off from work. It's actually bringing all sorts of other fears, concerns, doubts, insights, hopes, dreams, into my head, and I'm enjoying and still very much practising being the observer of the mind games that I play with myself. And so four probably main insights to share with you this week.
Number one, when I'm not in my own head working, I'm doing something with clients, or I'm designing something and I'm preparing something, I have these enormous pangs of guilt. I think what that has taught me, and what I recognise is that a lot of my identity, my self worth, my value in the world, is connected to the work that I have done and continue to do. This is a blessing and a curse. I'm in love with the product, I'm in love with the material. You know, those of you that know me, I've got 1000 books at home. I'm always reading, making distinctions for myself. So the material for me is good, it's good for me, I would be doing it anyway, even if I had a different or a normal job. So when I'm not doing it, despite me intellectually, knowing that I need to take a break. There's some guilt that shows up when I'm not working.
Which has led me to the second insight, which is I found myself proactively in thought not necessary proactively in action, trying to find things to do and busy my day with. So as I get into Saturday, I'm already thinking about the next Friday, what can I fill it with. And that's partly because I knew about activation energy, meaning to change a habit, you've got to make it quite difficult to overcome the bad habit and make it easy to deploy the good habit. So if I can busy my day with exercise or connection with someone or a particular task that I wouldn't normally give myself time for. That fills my day, then so it makes it harder to comply with the old habit. And if I, you know, suddenly book in a meeting for a client, because that's the only time they can do, it's a lot easier then for me to stay doing the work. And so it's trying to do the opposite of that. So I find myself trying to fill my days with stuff. And when there's nothing in, that's when the guilt kicks in.
Insight number three, the few of you that have listened to this, and the people that have told are, in some ways blown away, oh, my God, you've got your own podcast. And Isn't that fantastic. And that actually triggers a little bit of oh, humility and guilt in me because it doesn't feel like a big thing it does to push it out online. But actually, I got the help from a colleague of mine, he told me about this app that I'm using anchor.fm. And he just said, speak. And that's what I've done. And it's actually kind of all done for you. So I feel a little bit of a fraud sometimes when people go, wow, you've done amazing, it's, you've got your own podcast, but actually, anyone could do it. You don't have to publish it. You don't have to even make sense. Like I probably don't at times. But that perception that people have of their belief and perception of what you've achieved, sometimes outweighs the reality of what it took. And maybe there's something else at play in that.
The fourth insight that I've had this week is not everything needs an outcome. I've been drilled and pretty driven to set goals, visualise and document my progress towards it. And what I've recognised with this is, I don't really know where this is going to go. I think my ego would like to create something, but I don't know what that something is. And I'd be quite happy if it just meandered for a while. I've committed to doing it. So I'm going to do it anyway. That's part of my being. But I don't know. And I'm not necessarily locked in or attached to where it's going to take me and that made me think about making these changes sometimes we need to be locked into a specific outcome, and sometimes we just need to let it play out, see where it takes us then the magic and the mystery of I don't know. The mystery of I don't know where this is going to go, but something magical might happen. And so I don't know when and if and whatever that will be or look like. But that's partly fueling my sense of comfort and motivation and, you know, desire to continue this, because who knows where it will go. And, you know, maybe there's other things at play that will give me insights that I wasn't expecting, and wasn't even looking for. And that's partly the mystery.
Probably the, well, the final insight, and this is probably an extra one is probably one more than four, I can't count! Is oh this massive fear I have of judgement, but particularly, from my mates. In my head, I've got it's the mate's test. And, you know, I've worked with clients and customers who have a perception of me. But my mates, it's a very different perception, I think, in some instances, and I don't play the same role in some of the mates groups that I'm with. And there's a part of me that is absolutely terrified that some of my really good mates, that I love dearly and would do anything for, they won't tell me the truth they wont kind of go Pete, that was awesome, loved it or Pete that's dreadful, stop what you're doing. They'll probably not say anything. And watch my family have been great. And you know, really encouraging and supportive. Well, what's come up for me is I really care about what my mates think. And I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I remember years ago going through Stephen Covey's Seven Habits Programme. And at the time, one of the exercises which I've done many times since, was to get clear on what you value. And at the time, I remember vividly, my values were four F's, family, friends, fun, and freedom. And they still do resonate today. And the family, certainly, my immediate and extended family, over the last 12 months has definitely become more prominent and doing more for them, by looking after myself. I really feel that. But that second one, my friends, my mates, and you know, the different groups that we have who we have different perceptions in relationship, we play different roles, you have different hearts and those groups. There's a part, I wanted to say big there but I'm not sure how big it is, but there's a part of me that really wants them just to like it, love it. Get something for themselves. As I've said before, the help I can give people is/can be quite significant. I've gotten that feedback from clients. And here I have the people that I care about most, my family and my friends, and they might not see me in that vein. And so they don't hear the whisper. They don't hear as a shout certainly, they might hear it as a whisper but not as a shout.
So that's some of the things that have come up from me this week. The guilt at not working, actively looking to fill my day, their perception of what I've done. I've realised not everything necessarily needs a hard outcome. And that my fear of the judgement from my mates.
Thanks for listening. I will look forward to speaking to you next week. Cheers.
