Welcome to this week's version of Freedom Fridays. I've gone solo this week, partly just to mix up a little bit and partly to share some reflections I've had based on a question I was asked. And I often get asked the question, What book would you recommend? And my answer was always It depends, because it depends what's going on and what you're looking for. But I was also asked recently, how do you learn? How do you stay fresh? and I'm in the fortunate position, I think that I write a weekly newsletter, which some of you subscribe to, I do interviews on podcasts, I record some solo podcasts, I journal, I read lots of books, and I read lots of articles, I take courses myself, and I thought we'd just share one of those with you that particularly struck me over the last few weeks. And why it struck me and it may it may or may not strike you. And so some of you who are listening might remember a very famous sportsman called Jonny Wilkinson, ex rugby union player, mostly known for kicking a goal to win the Rugby World Cup 20 odd years ago, and he has evolved and now has his own podcast called I Am, it's got some fascinating guests very different to perhaps what people would expect Jonny Wilkinson to be speaking about. Nonetheless, very interesting. I'm finding it. And one of his latest guests was a chap that I hadn't heard of before. A chap called Peter Crone, Cr, O n e, which, in the conversation, a couple of his quotes, and a couple of his questions really struck me because of what I'm experiencing, and what I'm going through right now. So I thought I would share them within that little bit of a caveat some of the views that Peter holds, I don't necessarily agree with everything. But I'm actually keen on hearing from people that I don't necessarily agree with everything they say, because they'll offer me something different. And, you know, there's a temptation these days to only, you know, live in our echo chamber, which kind of reinforces our own beliefs. And I'm very open to exploring contradictory, provocative different views, not because I'm looking to align with them, but more, what might it help me understand about me and what I'm going through in those situations? So I thought, that's a little bit of a health warning and a caveat, don't necessarily subscribe to everything that anyone views you, including me, don't believe anything I say. But please do yourself a favour and go and test it. And so that's what I'm going to share with you. And there's really four main four insights for comments for statements that Peter made that really struck me in and caused me to make meaning from that have been quite helpful in some ways. The first one with regard to stress and anxiety, and he said, most people are trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet. Which I thought was interesting in terms of, yeah, that's often when I'm trying to do the reason I'm working hard or doing this or challenging that is to try and avoid our perception that I have that the future tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, will be bad it will cause there'll be some sort of negative consequence. And something interesting that followed that was he said, you actually can't change the future, which is like, well, it's kind of it's an obvious statement to make. But the reason he said you can't change the future is because it hasn't happened yet. It's always in the future, yet, perhaps you can influence and you can, you know, manifest and you can imagine, but you actually can't change the future. Because it hasn't happened here, which kind of makes logical sense to me. The interesting thing, he did say that you can change your history. And what he meant by that was that there are umpteen different ways to interpret what's happened to you. And what's happened to you, in order to make meaning from it, you've come up with a rationale, you've given it meaning you've created a story, you've found a narrative that makes it comfortable to guess, except in some ways, and we've carried that with us as a perception of the thing that happened to us. And what was interesting about the comment, in what we're trying to avoid a future that hasn't happened yet, we can change our history is how we interpret the past. And we can change that because it has happened, it's happened to us. And whilst it doesn't change the event that happens to us, we can change or alter, or let go or build up or catastrophize or dilute the memory of what happened to us. Which if I reflect on my current circumstances very much what I feel like I'm doing in a work and personal space is based on how I saw myself yesterday, which in many situations has served me but I'm, you know, colliding with reality in some ways that it's sometimes not serving me so much today. And if I could sometimes be more conscious of the history that I've had that I brought with me into today that I'm trying to avoid happening in the future, maybe I'd be freer today. And so that was the first insight. And as I listened to the podcast, and as Peter and Johnny taught, that was, there was many more things that the second thing was, which is complementary to what I've just said that life presents us with people in circumstances that reveal where we're not free. I'm going to say that, again, life presents us with people and circumstances that reveal what we're not free. Now, the reason it struck me was this irony around, I've created this podcast, named by my lovely executive assistant, Keith, Freedom Fridays, which is the essence of how do we be more free. And it really struck me, I wonder how many circumstances I've been put into, where I've realised inadvertently, that I'm not free. And I'm a victim of my circumstance, or I'm a victim of my history, or I'm a victim to my own thoughts. And I keep them with me too, in an attempt to keep myself safe. So it really did. Strike me, you know, life presents us with people and circumstances that reveal to us we're not free. Now, without holding the mirror up, I'm sure many of you listening can think of many situations and others where they are presented, the situations that reveal where they're stuck. A they're not free, they're stuck in the same power paradigm stuck in the same roundabout have gone round, and round, and round and round. And we all know the cliche, you know, the definition of insanity, doing the same thing expecting a different result. And so that really struck me, I wonder how often and if I was to look at the situations and the people that life is presenting to me, and I took and took the lens of how is this demonstrating I'm not free, it might actually really reinforce the concept behind freedom Fridays, and kind of work on setting myself free from the constraints and the chains and paradigms and the beliefs that will perhaps serve me once, but may no longer serve me. And, you know, that's that. One of the definitions I came across at the stop moment tracks years ago is, you know, when you're on your deathbed, you finally come to meet the person that you could have been, as opposed to the person that you are in the usually some sort of potential missing. So that really struck me, which was followed by a third question, which was this was how would you play if you were totally free? Now, obviously, in the context of the podcast, he was referring to Jonny Wilkinson who was a rugby player. And if he was totally free from constraints, how would he then play and I have taken the playing aspect is the playing of life, the playing of relationships, the playing of work, the playing of all the roles that we play, in our lights, and I reflected on the certainly situations where I can see I'm not playing as if I was free, free to create free to go left as opposed to right. And catching myself relatively often, particularly in a work scenario, where I don't feel that I'm free, in its truest sense, in order to come up with something unique or different or innovative. Because it's a build on perhaps what happened previously. So that question really struck me, how would I play? If I was free and logical answers? Well, I'd be more creative and be more expressive. It would be more fun, I might get a different or maybe a better, maybe not a better result. But it would be a different experience. If I was playing, whatever game I'm playing, if I felt more free. And then, you know, to run this off, the fourth thing that struck me was Peter talked about fully committed, totally unattached. So fully committed to a better outcome, imagining what could be imagining my highest potential, but actually detached from how detached from whether or not the outcome happened. And what I've noticed is that comment made me reflect and how attached I become to certain client outcomes, how I become attached to certain friendships, certain expectations, how become attached to certain levels of performance, and in myself, personally, professionally, and what it's caused is it kind of sucks the joy out a little bit.
Going with a preset expectation of what the result should be and what I deserve and how it will, you know, be good for me, my family, my friends, my clients, you know, all of those expectations. Some of which are conscious, and most of which probably are unconscious, and how I then inadvertently feel better or worse based on whether those outcomes or expectations are met or not. So, I'm definitely fully committed Norlin type of guy, as any of you normally will, will understand. But what I've been, what the comment made me reflect on is how totally attached I've been, how attached I've been to outcomes and expectations and what people think and what people think of me. And whilst that's normal, and it's been probably a bit of a blessing in some degree, I've noticed over the last six months where it's been, potentially a little bit of a curse. And so those were, this is one of the ways in which I learn, and I immerse myself in growing and developing, you know, I'm teaching others and that's one of the biggest ways you can learn is to teach others and I'm not suggesting you need to be teaching to be taught. But the fact that I've listened to something on a podcast, and it struck me and I've made some notes of John to look up the pages, and I've written it down, and I've taken the opportunity to record, some of my inarticulate imperfect thinking, will actually cause me to learn and grow more. So I'm very grateful. Even if no one listens, it doesn't really matter. And I'm grateful that that I've been able to take that insight and you know, for myself answer the question. So how do you learn and grow up? Well, by doing this sort of thing, now, whether you you did this and you posted it, it's not about the posting of it, it's the speaking out loud. I remember, a great educationist Bruner said, you know, how do you know what you think? Until you hear what you say? And you know, I could record this a number of times and make it perfect. And I'm not going to because it's the imperfect? It's where the gaps are. It's where I can't, I'm not fully in flow to explain what I'm thinking that causes perhaps the most growth than me. And so that's my podcast for this week. This is the latest edition of their freedom Fridays podcast, which is these foreign sites. Number one, most people are trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet. Number two, life presents us with people in circumstances that reveal to us what we're not free. Number three, so how would you play if you were free. And then for taking a round off fully committed, totally detached, or totally unattached with the expression? In some ways, it doesn't matter. So if that's helpful, that's the end of the podcast for this week. If you enjoyed it, and you've enjoyed some of the conversations we've had, please give us a like on your usual channels. Sign up for the weekly horoscope weekly whispers blog and newsletter. There's some interesting things in there for some people. Thanks for listening
