Welcome to this week's Freedom Fridays podcast. With your host me, Pete Clark, The Whispers Guy.
This is my final podcast for 2023. And I thought this week, as a review and recap of the year, I would talk about a whisper from each of the guests that I've interviewed over the year and share with you three of the whispers that have struck me most prominently this year.
It's been a wild and crazy year in a precious a life. And so as we come to the end of the calendar year, certainly, with many things done, many things not done. Many things said, many things unsaid. It's a time for reflection, and certainly doing our level best to heed my own advice, which is to recover and refresh before thinking about anything for next year. So this is one of my final engagements for the year, I'm sitting parked in an empty car park, in one of my most common solitude places the front seat of my car, recording this as a last way of reflecting and saying thank you to everyone that's listened to everyone that's been taken by something I've said a question I've asked. And a particular thanks on the podcast to all of the guests that have made their selves open to and vulnerable to some of the questions and some of the conversations that we've had in 2023. And so I've had a dozen guests this year. And way back, in the beginning of the year, I spoke to an old colleague of mine, Jim Steele, who published a book this year called Unashamedly Superhuman, which is a brilliant book title. It's almost the the essence of the book in the title and it makes you want to pick it up and read into it. And the insight that I've continued to delve into personally, and do my level best, but I'm nowhere near as skilled as Jim at doing this, is to help people understand that performance and wellbeing is a both and way of thinking not an either or, it's often confused that you can either perform, or you've got to look after yourself. And I felt what Jim has indicated and highlighting is very readable book is that there is a scientific and anecdotal and you know, it kind of makes sense to us, there's a, there's a link between performing at your very best and looking after yourself. In fact, they are inextricably linked together. So that performance and well being are either sides of the same coin, and both feed each other. So if you want to perform better look after your well being if you only look after you well being perform better. And so is this interesting, build upon things that was a fascinating conversation with Jim. I've known Jim for over 20 years. And he's one of the best in the business at articulating something pretty complex, and making it simple, pragmatic, and often very profound. So big thanks to Jim for that.
Next was another colleague, Jane Atherton. And one of the many insights I've got from Jane, Jane has gone on a fascinating journey with her OM Phoenix business in in the UK, and I'm assuming elsewhere, is just this dilemma of living from fear or releasing from fear. Now, because we're humans, we all have fears. Everyone fears something. Whether it's cognitive or psychological or physical. There's fears that tend to run our lives and that's probably wise at certain points, but this idea of to what extent are we consciously or unconsciously living from fear? Or are we finding ways to, I don't mean necessarily releasing all aspects of fear, but putting it down, laying it down for a while putting it in the passenger seat? Putting it on the kitchen bench, putting on the table so you can look at it and examine it and explore it, which again allows us to have this mindset of having thoughts versus being had by our thoughts, you know, being object rather than subject to the fear. So that was something I reflect on the conversation I had with Jane. So again, big shout out to Jane.
Then we had a relatively new but feels like we've known each other for centuries, buddy, a chap called Richard Oakes, who interesting in his age group is World Champion cyclist. And one of the things we talked about was, you know, choosing to or getting to or choosing not to. And his take on it, because he was so immersed in the activity and the task of cycling, that it wasn't a choice for him, it took choice out of the equation, there was no, I'm going to a bike ride today, I'm not going to go bike ride today, I will or won't, because of the weather, you know, it's just inherent for him a bit like breathing. It's just something that he does, it's it's almost inextricable, an inextricable part of who he is how he lives, his lens on the world, so there is no choice. But in the no choice, there's no prison. There's no sense of all I have to. It's almost like he's built a routine and a ritual and a way of being that he takes the choice out, which means there's no energy given to should I shouldn't I watch the cost? What's the benefit? When will I do it? Or we're going to develop good habits, bad habits now over the years, obviously develop that. But I thought that was a really interesting perspective. Perhaps, for me, I'm probably doing this for me, not for anyone else. Is this idea of, how do I take the choice out because choice is inefficient? So Thanks, Richard. I know we've connected on many things, appreciate your reflections on many things and our friendship.
Then, another colleague, it's interesting, as I'm reflecting on the people that I've spoken to this year, many colleagues who are in the same sort of game and have a different take on things. My next conversation was with Aly King-Smith, who runs Clearworks in the UK, a coaching business, and many other things. And it was actually something recently that I saw Aly post two things really, I asked her if I could use this, and she granted me permission, some of the workshops that I run around resilience and mindset, etc, etc, was that being more Poppy, that she took a picture of her dog relaxing, just doing nothing, not trying to be more or have more or get things done, but just being more Poppy. And that speaks to this idea that you've got to recover. First, you've got to recover and just refresh before you think about renewal. And so I love that idea about being more Poppy. And the second thing was something she said recently, she got the opportunity to present at a conference. And just this question of, for us to ponder are we trying to fit in? Or do we belong? And it really, it just my own reflections of what's going on in my life, my reflections on what on the work I do with teams, just this apparently, juxtaposition and opposable ideas that I have to work hard, I have to do something I have to be a certain way to fit in. Or do I inherently and inadvertently and unconsciously and unconditionally belong? And obviously, you can extrapolate that into different levels and different formats. But I just thought was a really neat question. To what extent am I putting energy to fit in versus the belong so again, to another colleague that I'm grateful to have around to Aly King-Smith, thank you for the question.
My next podcast was a new connection. A new colleague, I joined a networking group in Sydney this year called CUB the Club of United Business, and head of CUB in Sydney, a chap called Calvin Chilchik. We spoke about his experience and upbringing in coming to Australia as an immigrant.
And the insight that I got from Calvin was, of the many moments in our life that happen, some become inadvertently pivotal. And for him that pivotal moment was, you know, coming to Australia when he was 14. And the reflection he had on that was to do the daunting stuff to do this stuff that's scary. You never think you're going to make it, but just do it anyway, and find out on the way. So Calvin, thanks for that. Inspiration, thanks for that thought about doing the daunting stuff.
Now, halfway through the year, I spoke to Dr. Christy Goodwin for the second time, because I was so taken by a book that she'd written called, about our digital addiction to our phones and technology. And it was when I read her book, it was just so full of tips and tools and strategies and simple, oh my God, that's such an obvious thing I could be doing differently to be in a better space and have a better relationship with my not just phone, but tech and screen anyway. And something that we talked about was the this distinction between information overload, and implementation under load. Meaning we are all exposed to so much constant noise about information, this information that like this dislike that. Here's a recipe for this. Here's a quote for that. And the irony is not lost on me that I'm doing this on the very technology that I'm trying to avoid, as Kirsty and I spoke about. But this idea that we are just overloaded with information, we are biologically not set up to process all of the information that we're exposed to. And the irony is we have an implement implementation under load, meaning, our ability to implement some of the things that we see we want to do is minimised. On many conference speeches that I do I talk about inspiration is free, but application costs. It's very easy to get inspired, just just Google something on YouTube. The application is what makes the difference for you and your lives and your family and your friends and whatever is important to you. And that seems to be we've given less attention to the implementation of rather than the aggregation of and the collection of and the capture of all of this new information and knowledge. So big shout out to Dr. Kirsty Goodwin, who's written so many things and given so many insights on our digital addiction, and how to have a better relationship with our technology.
Next was a new guest for me, Sharon Seivert. And we spoke about the work that she's doing with leaders and asking themselves different questions. So even if you were to ask, you know, what's the right thing to do? What's the wrong thing to do? What's a bizarre thing to do? What's a difficult thing to do, which just expands our range of thinking? So the work that Sharon was doing with the teams that she's been working with, is to expose their brains, their thinking patterns, their behaviours to different methods, by asking different questions, and I thought it was quite insightful. It's kind of easy to ask the questions, but a you're deliberately asking different and counterintuitive and perhaps provocative questions? So a big thanks to Sharon.
My next guest was never planned. It's a bit of a surprise. And it happened over our conversation in a pub. One of the big highlights of my year in 23, was I did the Overland Track in Tasmania. I wrote about it two or three times, and in a conversation with one of my mates who I did it with Pete Lawson, in a pub. He was telling me about what he did when he was 18/19 about, you know, setting goals and looking after the land. And so I said, Why don't you just come on a podcast and we'll chat about him. And I don't do podcasts. And so we did and I can't remember which month it was, May or June or something like that. I can't remember exactly. And we spoke at length about Pete's where he got these ideas. All of this stuff around personal development that he hasn't really been exposed to personal development. And what struck me about Pete was, without really any prompting, he hadn't read about this it was more just an inherent feeling because he you know, is a farmer and of the land, was his take on the long term health of the land. And it was thinking in centuries, not necessarily seasons. So I'm not a farmer, I don't really know much about it. But I understand that you could turn the land and allow it to have different things doing on the land over a certain period of year. So you're thinking, you know, this couple of years, it's going to be grass, and next couple years, it's going be for the cows. And forgive me if that's a completely ridiculous description of it. But what fascinated me about Pete's perspective was he was thinking, what's this going to learn be like 200 years, in 400 years, and I can I can I tend and till the land today, and use it for today so that it's still around and still viable and still useful in centuries time rather than just a season's time, which I thought was a really not just honourable, but just long term plot, really an example of playing the long term view. So when you're thinking, are you thinking in days, weeks, months, seasons or a lifetime? So I thought that was fascinating. Thanks, Pete. Thanks for joining me on the conversation.
The next podcast was a little bit about my Overland Track experience, which was a big highlight for me, as I've said in 23. What it reminded me of was the principle of what's known as hedonic calendaring meaning, putting in your calendar, some of the big rocks that you are looking forward to, that you're planning that it's, you know, it's maybe once a year thing, but it's a big thing, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it just could be insightful, or meaningful or challenging or daring, whatever it is. And it kind of gets your heart racing a little bit. For you, the individualisation of it personalises what's meaningful and bringing you to life. And that for me last year, in 23, was doing the Overland Track with some mates. So it reminded me of, rather than accidentally being more deliberate and intentional, at least once a year, which just as I'm saying, these words, just doesn't feel like it's enough to live in my definition of what a good life would be. But at least once a year having something in your diary - for a day, a weekend, a week, whatever, whatever the timeframe is that you can look back on and go, that was a lifetime memory. There were some things I did, I said I connected I experienced that I would take with me for a long period of time. And so thanks to all the the mates that I travelled the, and walked in, carried on the Overland Track, it was a lifetime memory.
Then I had another colleague, Dave Sollers, who I spoke to for the second time, because I was really fascinated in our first conversation. He had gone through some significant transformation and transition. And I wanted to follow up with him personally. And he was really gracious in sharing his thoughts and views about how we've gone through that. And one of the questions that struck me that I'm probably pondering more for myself, as we come to the end of the calendar year is as he was transitioning from things were ending, he was going through the messy middle, and waiting patiently for things to begin was this question of being curious and wondering what's waiting in the wings for me? It might not be happening now. I might not have any clue or idea or hint that it's going to happen in the future, but just being and staying curious and wonder-ful enough, that I wonder what's happening and I wonder what's waiting in the wings for me, that will be delightful, wonderful, etc, etc. And I thought that was a really nice question. Because what Dave expressed was just the difference between you know, mechanistic change, you know, this happens and this happened and this happens versus human transition, which is messy and nonlinear. And three steps forward four steps back two steps forward, one step back, eight steps forward 12 steps back it's a little bit random like that, and to almost welcome the unwelcome but whilst you're doing so, wondering what might be waiting for you the good stuff and the maybe they're not so good stuff, what may be waiting for you in the wings. So big thanks, Dave for his vulnerability and sharing some of the massive life transitions that he was going through.
Another colleague, a good buddy of mine who I've known for 20 odd years, Steve Ellis, who's a partner in a business called Arcadia around the world. And this was fascinating because Steve and I have worked in this field of leadership development and change management and transformation for 20 odd years. And here was him going through a specific personal transformation, that applying all the formulas to didn't really work. He knows it back to front. And it was the hyper personalisation of that strategy, the nuanced the two degrees left and five degrees, right, based off the formulas of change, that was the most interesting thing. And what he talked about was, in those micro moments of decision making, and you know, if you accept that a micro moment might be three seconds, as he has the thought, I fancy a biscuit. Because he'd gone through some challenges with potential diabetes. Thankfully, I think he's okay. As his, whatever part of him wanted or needed or felt like or was inspired by the thought of having a biscuit in that micro moment between the thought and the reaching for it, that gap. What is he going to do? Is he going to take the left fork and grab the biscuit and excuse and justify, or is he going to take the right fork and go, what's the bigger picture here? What am I doing that I know not to? And applying all of the experience and the knowledge and the wisdom that Steve has, in those micro moments of decision. And I reflect on my own year, with clients with self care with relationships with finances with my business, and I reflect on some of the micro moments of decision making. And some I've got right, I think, and many I've got wrong, I know. But it was this idea that not necessarily the big decisions, you know, where are you going to live, what job you're going to do you know who you're going to fall in love with, if even that's a decision you make, but just those micro moments that build up over time, and it's the aggregation of those micro moments that make or break us. So again, thanks again to to Steve for sharing a pretty challenging period of his life. And I really appreciate that. My final guest of the year was like all of my guests I respect, like, care for, and long to be more like many of them was an old colleague I got back in touch with Nickie Scriven who is the CEO of a business called Chief Meta Chicks. Nickie's story is, you know, quite incredible, she is possibly one of the most driven individuals that I have ever come across. And just her reflections on that, that, despite that, where she has struggled a little bit is when whether this is real or not. Whether she felt someone had her back in life, you know, personally and professionally, her best days have been where she felt true or not. Whether someone had her back on her worst days were true or not whether she felt someone didn't have her back. And this idea of whether it's true or not, is an interesting perspective. And so the reflection I've had is who or what do I need to believe has my back for me to perform at my best and where can I consciously communicate to someone that I care for, that I've got their back, so they can go about their day as best as they possibly can. And so we had to Nickie in our top four, or I don't know, an hour or so at least, if not more. And we've had to split that into two separate podcasts. What happens when you immerse yourself in being present in the conversation so big thanks to Nickie, who was a fabulous, final guest for the year.
And so it's a big thank you to all of those guests who are inspiring people around the world who are, you know, doing their own daily work on themselves as you know, living and breathing role models. I'm really grateful for you showing up turning up and being willing to share a small glimpse into your head, heart, gut and soul.
And so as I bring a curtain down on 2023, the three, the most prominent whispers that have been getting louder and louder for me this year have been these three ideas. The first idea is is twofold. One is to create space, you know, people say I haven't got the time, not true, you haven't got the space to allow you to do the things that you say you want to do. So let's not use the excuse, I haven't got the time some people make the time. And if you don't have the time, you're not making the time because you don't have the space. The headspace, the physical space, the environmental space. And yet the challenge with creating space is the world is so busy with stuff that unless you fill that space with the important stuff for you, it gets filled for you. And I found that with myself that I've been able to create space, but unless I'm really diligent and disciplined, and quite quick to fill it with the important stuff, self care connection, building rather than anything else, then it just gets filled for me. And so creating space is not quite enough, you have to fill it with the important stuff. And that's been this nagging voice inside my head for probably the last six months, I haven't really had much space. And I've just been going along, you know, trying to navigate some of the challenges I've been facing, and be more deliberate with my space creation, and space filling. So I'm still navigating 24/7 still navigating all the things that I'm doing, but I'm more likely to be doing more of, even if some more so even if it's just a teaspoon of the important stuff that gently drip feeds into my wellbeing cup. That's the first nagging thought that I've had this year.
The second one is a little bit of a glib take on, when you're asked, are you busy? And everyone goes, Yeah, I'm really busy. It's more of a a bit of a provocation and those that ask, but it's a prompt and a reminder for me when asked, Are you busy? To just try and drop my ego response to that and go well, if I say no, I'm failing. If I say yes, well, I'm competing. Is to make a comment on whether I'm making progress or not. Now, even if in the kind of, I guess the normality of a conversation, someone says, How you doing PR or things busy, are you going well? And I say yes, yes, I'm making progress. Whether that's true or not, it's a real reminder and prompt that if I'm not making progress, at least in some way, slowly, you know, informally, not in a nonlinear way, then what am I doing? What am I doing with my relationships with my life, with my business, with all the things that are important to me if I'm not trying to make one step of progress in the busyness of what's going on. And so it's not kind of dismissing, you can just chill out and think about unicorns and rainbows. But to what extent are you actually making progress step by step on the things that are really important to you.
And the third was products been very prominent in my life for many reasons. And I do wonder sometimes whether these things are prominent, because I need to learn them more than anyone else that may not be prominent for you, is this idea of transition in that for something to begin, something almost has to end. And it's rarely, although sometimes, I'm sure many of you have, you know, finished a, you know, a job on a Friday and started a new one on a Monday. Rarely do we get the time to sit with the messy middle. And again, maybe I'm projecting all of this, there's been so many occasions, so many things. In this particular year that's been that's drawn my attention into some things ending.
Whether it's a relationship, it's a, it's a task, it's a thing, it's a life, it's something's ending. And before something new begins, you have to kind of navigate and sit with and be relatively okay with this kind of messy, clunky, middle. And the analogy I've often used with people it's a bit like those kind of old fashioned snow globes, when you bang the snow globe on the table all of the flakes, flurry and they're all over then you can't really see the scene in the in the snuggle and it takes a little bit of time for the the best the apparent snow in the snow globe to settle. And that's been really prominent for me this year. There's been quite a few endings. There's been lots of mess, and there's been some significant beginnings. Of which, I am grateful for that it's given me the opportunity to really extend my growth beyond the academic of just be positive and, you know, be optimistic and be grateful. I am really significantly grateful, despite the challenges I faced with what's happened this year, because I know a little bit consciously, probably mostly unconsciously, it's making me into a better person to serve predominantly my family and friends and the work that I do with clients and the impact I'm having, albeit tiny, on on the world.
So those are my three whispers that have shouted at me this year. And as you know, 21 whispers is about, I believe that life whispers to us and we all they tend to do something when it shouts. And so I'm curious, I'm open minded to what 2024 will bring. And so that's it. For me for 23 on the podcast, thank you. Again, if you've listened, if you've reposted if you've taken anything from it, if you've had any insight, if you've thought that's been inspiring me to do something, I'm grateful. It's contributing to bring a better you to contribute to a better workplace, family, environment, community world, whatever it is, whatever lens you're seeing it through. And so that's it for me, I'm going to take a break. Some would say well are and maybe not so sure. But I'm going to take a break and I will be back probably sometime early 24 Probably not January. As many of you know, I live in Australia. So January tends to be a holiday season. But I'm going to come back and I'll invite some more guests and do some more solo podcasts for next year.
So wherever you are, whatever you believe, I wish you a safe and connecting and fulfilling holiday season and I'll see you in 24
